first meal!

Ive been trying to pump again to build a little stash for when we need a sitter again or a bottle in general. I am not pumping much right now so I had an ounce sitting in the fridge. We decided to see how good this little boy would do with some rice. The first few faces were funny but after that, he was opening his mouth for me. Snickers was not happy that this boy was getting food and he was not. Moxie went and took a drink out of the bowl.

Logans smiles

Happy baby!

Logans first hair cut

Logan had wings. He needed a little cleaning up around the ears.

Your going to do what with those?

Hmm... Not bad.

You've got my attention so I don't turn my head.

Handsome man.

That is Dwight, my moms cousin, and my grandma.

Dwight is also the first person who cut my hair :)

Logans first Christmas tree

This is no easy Christmas for us. We are packing up our house and hoping (still waiting on the final word from the underwriter) to be moving next week. It is not hard to move with a baby of Logans age at all. I have been cleaning in the morning while hes awake and packing during his nap. I have been working on the basement while Matt is home and I have a full trash can every friday morning. We want to move into our house right away so we can go about painting ours while we dont live here and the boy isnt breathing it all in. So, we bought a tree. A real tree. Why no? Because its Christmas time! We also have a kitten to deal with. So, we bought a reasonably smaller tree than we could get and are going to put just a few ornaments on. We will transport the tree to the new house. Might sound dumb but we wanted to make things harder on ourselves I guess. Im not going to break out the real decorations but having a tree will be nice.  How did Logan do on his first tree getting experience?

He slept through the whole thing.

Except the end. He woke up as we were leaving.

Hes trying so hard

    Logan wants to sit, but he cant. Logan wants to stand, but he cant. Logan wants to hold things, but he really cant very well. Logan wants to talk, but he isnt very good. What he is good at, is trying really hard to do the things he cant.

    Logan can stand, just not on his own. He calms down the moment his feet touch the ground. We barely have to hold him. I have leaned him up against the couch and he held that position for a good amount of seconds. 

    This is the first day I put together his jumperoo. He only needs a small one inch high box under it now because he knows how to use it and jump. He loves to be in it because he loves to use his legs and feet and be upright. He doesnt know how to play with anything on it yet but we give him his teethers and hes happy.

 Speaking of teethers, Im not sure he knows that Sophie is a teether. I think he might be practicing his kissing skills instead. He loves that Sophie so much, we got the smaller easier to hold version that I saw my neice maneuvering so well. He is not quite ready to hold things and grasp them on his own but he can manipulate them a little bit in his care. He can turn them slightly and he can grab things long enough to bring them to his mouth but he also doesnt know to let go and they fling to the floor as soon as he gets excited that he brought it to his face. Every day he gets a bit better.

 My boys.

one year ago today

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010

465

I am pregnant. Oh my goodness! I have no idea what to do or how to feel. Im excited and really scared. My number is very high which is a very good sign. I go back in 4 days to see what the number does. We shall see how this goes! I will alert the media at Christmas time. Im excited for that. I have so many emotions and I feel emotionless at the same time.

One year ago, I got up early and had to get my blood drawn between 7-9am. I got there around 8, they took my blood, and I went home. I waited and waited and waited by the phone. I sat on the couch all day long with the tv off. I couldnt think, or feel, or even stand anymore. I just sat. And at 2pm, my phone rang. I can still hear it clear as day. "Kristin, Hi! Its Ellen" Ellen was the nurse who I saw a few times but talked to on the phone many many times. She has met Logan already because we love her. "Hi Ellen" "Well, your number is 465" "Holy shit" "Yeah, so I think its safe to say your pregnant Kristin" "Holy shit" "So we need you to come back in 4 days for a retest" "k" HOLY SHIT! I cried. And cried and ran around the house and cried and sat down again and cried and then called my husband, crying of course. Called my mom crying. And then I collected my marbles and realized I had a long time ahead of me before I had a baby. A baby that I was finally growing. A baby who I would not know the gender or name until we could meet. A baby that I knew would change my world but I had no idea how perfect and amazing HE would be.

One year ago today, I learned that I would be a mom. And one year later, I am mom to Logan Matthew Bard.

one year ago today

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2010

scared

Im scared for tomorrow. Im not excited one bit. Im just scared. My boobs barely hurt and I feel fine. My cramps are so light with only slightly more cramping on the side my ectopic was.  I dont want to hear no. But im totally expecting it. I resfuse to take a pee test because Im sick of seeing one line. I must have 20 tests at home. They will never be used. I've seen enough negative tests to last me a lifetime. Its easier when a doc says no. Cause then we talk about what the net step is. What if its a yes? Im scared.

one year ago today

I posted this in a private blog that fallowed my IVF journey.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2010

take 2

Embryo #2 is hopefully making a home but not in the same spot as his/her not so smart "almost" sibling. We went Tuesday and they only thawed one and it survived so we do still have 2 frozen left. Hopefully this little dude/ette sticks! Would be nice. I will find out next thursday, one week from today, what my test results are. I am scared though because I havent felt cramps or pain or anything for that matter. I really really want to be pregnant and tell everyone on Christmas. But, with the reality of the situation, I just hope that the next round comes fast and this cycle doesnt take 4 months to finish.

3 months old!

At 3 months he should have mastered;
Recognizes your face and scent: He can recognize me of course and most likely Matt. He seems to also recognize the people he sees on a regular basis. Scent, I dont know.
Hold head steady: oh yes, he has that down easily.
Visually tracks moving objects: Yup! Started about 2 weeks ago and he will fallow people walking around the room.

Things he may be able to do;
Squeal, gurgle, and coo: he most certainly can make lots of noises. He enjoyed listening to his own voice in an empty house where he heard his echo.
Blows bubbles: that he does. I love when he blows bubbles as hes farting...
Recognizes your voice: he seems to know me and matt well. And he turns toward me when I talk.
Does mini-pushups: eh, sort of but not very well.

things he might be able to do;
roll over from tummy to back: nope
turn toward loud sounds: yes he does
can bring hands together: he can. He holds he hands together a lot.
bats at toys: yes. He tries so hard to maneuver things the way he wants but it doesn't usually work. He bats at things here and there.

This child is amazing and he is growing in leaps and bounds every day. You can see the learning in his eyes and how hard he tries to do things. He gets frustrated now when things dont go as planned.

Out for a walk

tummy time

Smiling with his boy Simon

 more tummy time

Naked time

Logans first Halloween

Has been postponed until Monday 11/7. How the heck does a "holiday" get postponed? A freak October snowpocalypse. 8+inches of wet snow on trees that have yet to shed their leaves because it is still fall, leads to lots and lots (and lots and lots and lots...) of branches, trees, electric lines and their respective poles all lying on the ground, houses and cars. That also leads to schools and businesses closed for a full weak before Fall is half over.
On Saturday, Matt and I lost power at 3ish. In the silence, we could hear the branches cracking and see them falling. Some branches were huge and they were very close to the house. The joined the willow tree that is still down from the hurricane. I knew I couldnt stay home with the boy so we packed up and went to my moms house. They had power still but had a generator handy and hooked up already. 7:30 and at the dinner table, power was now out at my moms. I made Matt go get the dogs from our basement and bring them to his parents (who had no power also but had a wood burning stove). Matt discovered a branch on our house that dented our gutter and blocked the back door. He was supposed to swap cars and take his cause mine had no gas left. It had about 45 miles when he left my moms. He couldn't swap cars because he forgot his keys. He went to his moms house but had to make a few detours because of downed wires and branches. He dropped the dogs off and made his way to a gas station. No gas stations had power. He made it back to my moms. Sunday morning, he went home to get his car and check out the damage. Tons more branches down, a few trees, a huge willow (damn thing wont go away on its own!) lots and lots of leaves, wires on Matts car and on the driveway, and a broken electric pole (its on our property) with wires down in the road. He couldnt take his car because it was covered in wires. Bryan (moms bf) had to bring Matt gas and then the 2 boys went in search of gas. They found it a few towns over. Gas lines were a long wait and fast food lines were just as long. Looks like power is out everywhere. They got gas and came back. Matt brought the Cats to my moms and went back to my house to clean things up along with his friend who joined him. I went to the house and packed more clothes and baby bath supplies. Just in time since we had a major blow out that was bath worthy. Tuesday, Matt went to work and I lounged around and went to the grocery store with my mom. Wednesday, I helped a friend do a bit of moving and got more things from my house. I did laundry at a friends house also. Thursday, today, my mom and I went shopping. I am ready to go home!

Our accommodations in my moms basement. We had the pack n play set up but Logan was not a fan of sleeping in it with the high wall. We put the mattress on the floor next to me and he has been sleeping fine.

 Matt and the cats in the basement.

 our yard

 matts car with wires on it

At home, I have 6 room doors and 2 closet doors to paint. I need to paint the bathroom also. Matt needs to clean the yard asap. We need our house ready to go on the market asap. I might have some news sometime soon!